Things I’m Afraid to Tell You
Several days ago I was perusing Twitter and became interested in a conversation between a few bloggers whose work I admire. They were discussing this post where Jess Constable of MakeUnderMyLife.com became frustrated with the synthetic perfection in the design blog community and decided to openly discuss the things she feared sharing with her readers in the name of being more genuine and transparent. So many were inspired by her bravery, and a blog challenge was born.
I don’t write about design in the same way these bloggers do, but much of my journey over the past year has been discovering what I want and how to go after it – including when and how to get out of my own way. So okay, I’m up for a new challenge, I’ll bite. I talk a lot about great design and how to be creative, but here are the things about my daily life that I’m afraid to tell you:
| Last night I slept on my sofa spooning my 60-pound pit bull because her stomach was upset and it was the only thing that would make her stop crying in her crate. If you tell me she’s a vicious breed, I’ll let her lick your face until you change your mind. | |
| I forget anything I don’t write down. | |
| Panic attacks get in the way of living my best life. I dream of traveling through India and Thailand, (and to Alt Summit) but have paralyzing fear of airplanes. | |
| This week marked the 18th anniversary of the death of a dear friend. As I’ve gotten older, the way I remember and celebrate him has changed, but the day is never easy. Our friendship gave me courage to follow my heart and be different, and that courage is what drives my success today. Is there a way to show gratitude for such a bittersweet gift? | |
| I eat, sleep and breathe design, but am too shy to introduce myself to designers and bloggers I admire online. | |
| Every day I sit down with a blank document or sketchbook page and worry I won’t be able to fill it. | |
| I’ve been trying to lose the same 10 pounds and break the same career boundaries for the past three years. | |
| I hate cleaning bathrooms more than any other adult responsibility. | |
| I must set my alarm for 7:00 to (barely) make it to work by 9:30. I cannot explain where all that time goes. | |
| I spent nearly twelve exhausting and expensive years to get to this place in my career, and now I am tortured by the thought that maybe I am meant to do (and want to do) something completely different. The student loan people find this neither ironic nor funny. | |
| I regularly work fifteen hours a day while simultaneously encouraging those around me to pursue work-life balance. | |
| I can become quite jealous of other designers’ insightful and beautiful work. Even though I do not like this trait in myself, I let it drive me to work harder. | |
| I’m afraid to tell anyone the business idea I’m cooking up – even though I think it’s amazing – because once I let the word out, there will be opinions and changes and stakeholders to answer to. | |
| If I chase my dreams of becoming an entrepreneur, I may wait too long and not be able to also have a child. It scares me that this does not deter me from pursuing my company. |
So there you have it – the things I’m afraid to say – many of which have nothing to do with design. Please be kind.
Many thanks to Ez and Jess for inspiring this post. I’m trying to remember that opening yourself up to others is more often a reward than a risk, but my stomach is in knots hovering over the “publish” button.
What about you? What are you afraid to say to the world?
I also keep my mouth shut about new ideas…I don’t like the opinions to show up until I click PUBLISH.
….and may I encourage you that Thailand is worth conquering that fear. We lived in Bangkok for 6 months and it was hot and miserable and wonderful and magical. You might fall in love.
this is wonderful. thanks for sharing your heart.
so sorry for the loss of your friend. i think you are honoring him, with your life! and your courage here inspires me, and i am grateful. also, cleaning bathrooms? i detest that chore like no other.
we press on!
love to you xo
Hi Hannah, thank you for your kind words. It was difficult to write and post, but somehow I feel lighter for having said my bit today – a great and worthy challenge.
I would say that 9 of these things also affect my own life, so you are not alone! And not telling someone a business idea- I’m both scared that if I do they will steal it, and that if I tell people I’ll have to actually go thru with it. Perhaps what we need is almost a mentorship program (that doesn’t require an expensive plane ride to Alt Summit), where we can have a place to introduce ourselves to other designers and talk about these things. Wait? Is that a business idea? BREAK-THROUGH!
Hi Amy! Thanks for stopping by. I really enjoyed your post today, and I think the mentorship program idea is an excellent one. How can we make it real?
Thank you for taking that step, for pressing the button and sharing. Your post is poignant and moving and will resonate with me tomorrow and the days after, too.
one | where DOES all that time go in the morning? people look at me strange when i say that i had to get up 3 hours before work but showering, blowdrying…lying in bed trying to motivate myself… plus 40 mins on two diff busses…i don’t know but the time is necessary!
two | YES about spending three years trying to lose the same amount of weight and trying to break into the same career area. it feels quite defeating when you think of it long term like that but it’s none the less true.
three | i feel so selfish when i try to explain to my husband that i don’t want to have kids yet because i want to establish my career. i’m not sure he (or most men?) get it how it affects women but it seems to me that to continue, or start a career after you have kids means you have to work doubly as hard. i don’t want to have regrets but my age is getting up there…
Thanks for your post, I am really enjoying this series! I think you should be brave…have a kid now or later…either way, one thing may have to be postponed, but I doubt it will be given up!
Ugh bathrooms are the worst, I agree. I will do the laundry 10x over before I will be convinced to even touch the toilet.
I loved this idea, It’s so refreshing to hear the imperfections of people every once in a while.